This Love's a Prison

So, guys, about a month ago I posted a review of my buddy Dave Vertesi's debut album, Cardiography, which, at that point, didn't have a release date.

NOW IT DOES.

I am very excited about this, for many reasons: 1) I get to see Dave soon! Tour! 2) I can buy a copy and fondle the cover art, which rumour has it has some extreme sexiness on it (that is, if he went with the design he was looking at back in the spring.) 3) YOU can buy his album, too! Support your Canadian artists! Especially the nice ones! and, my last big reason: 4) I like seeing awesome people succeed, and signing with File Under: Music is a killer step for him.

So, what you need to know is this:

On October 26th, David's album will be officially released- OFFICIALLY. Which means that on October 26th I fully expect at least 3 of you to buy it.

Also: Check out his "Website" which has some of his songs on it. Or follow him on the TwitterMagic, which he'll update with gems like this:

In Which I Celebrate A Birthday, and My Own Poor Life Choices

So, about a year and a half ago, roughly 1 month after seeing the first movie installment of Stephenie Meyer's ill-advised Twilight "Saga" I decided it would be a totally awesome idea to read Twilight. Because, hey, the books can't possibly be as bad as the movie, right?

Oh god. Why.

Let's keep in mind that, at the time, I was taking an intensive block-week course in school, which meant that for 5 days I spent 9 hours sitting in a classroom, condensing a semester worth of work into, well, a week. And in that week, outside of my school hours, which, okay, I probably should have spent on doing readings or preparing for my tests, I decided to read Twilight. And then New Moon. And then Eclipse. And then Breaking Dawn. And the moral of this story is that I wasted a whole lot of hours that week reading an utterly horrible series of books, and swore to myself that they would sit on one of my bookshelves as a testament to my shame over having wasted such precious time and money on something so unworthy of even a few moments fo my time or pennies of my money. Giftcards poorly spent.

And then I was talking to this guy, we'll call him @SoupyToasterson. And he mentioned that, although he has a sick love for literature designed for teen girls (one of his faves is Alice, I Think, which I have to admit is totally ballin') he had never moved past the first few pages of Twilight, because it just hurt so much.

So, he tells me he's never read it. And so I decide, well, he needs to know what it's about. He Needs To Understand. If he hasn't seen the movies or read the books, he doesn't understand. He cannot comprehend just how horrible it is.

So I made a really bad life choice and re-read Twilight. I'd intended to follow it up by rereading the rest of the series, but given that it took me a month to finish one book, I couldn't force myself to read the rest. At least not yet. Because it hurt me, and I could actually feel my brain melting out of my ears.

But I mean, that's a total waste, right? Just reading it? I needed to do something, I needed to share my information.

Enter TwiShite.

Basically, I took the time after reading each chapter of Twilight to sum it up in a neat little package. Between 8 and 45(ish) words per chapter, to be exact. My mission was to show that you could sum it up, chapter by chapter, hitting all the major plot points, and come out of a 24 chapter book using under 1000 words. And, for the record, it came in at 753.  For those that are less mathematically inclined, that's a little over 30 words per chapter.

And then I divided it up, printed and folded and bound it, and now I have this perfect little book that basically ate my soul to make. Fun times.

Anyway, this book was included as the second part in @SoupyToasterson's birthday gifteroo, and is also doubling as a gift for everyone I know who has ever read Twilight, and everyone I know who has seen the movies and wants to get a refund for their time.

(Please keep in mind that I own none of the characters, "plot points," or, well, anything to do with Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. Gladly.)

My personal favourite excerpts include:

Chapter 1:
Bella Swan moves to the miserable town of Forks, Washington, to live with her dad, Charlie. She meets Edward Cullen, who can't stand to be in the same room as her. Already, two boys, Mike and Eric, are crushing on her. She cries herself to sleep.

Chapter 10:
Edward gives Bella a ride to school. Bella and Edward decide they are dating, even though they don't even hold hands. They sit together at lunch and are in love. They decide not to go to Seattle.

Chapter 11:
Edward asks Bella a lot of pointless questions.

In Which I Celebrate a Birthday or Some Such Thing

So, I have this friend. Let's call him @SoupyToasterson. He is my not-so-local comic book guy, the guru of graphic novels, the dude who can convince me to read pretty much anything.

It's true. Thankfully, Guy has good taste, so I'm very rarely disappointed.

This is the guy who is celebrating his birthaversary with a pretty splendid Boy-Girl party RIGHT NOW, which is where I am. And ideally by the time he gets even close to seeing this post or the tweet that goes along with it (I'll figure out how I'll work THAT magic later), he will have opened his totally radtacular and quasi mystical gift. Which you all (Hi, Mom!) can see RIGHT NOW. Thanks to the magic of webcams and internets and this whole technology thing.

Ohmygosh.

So, I guess I should explain this a bit. A while ago, we had this conversation on the twittermachine. If you really wanted to track it down you could, but basically we have weird ideas and decided that an illustrated children's book about how unicorns are just stealthy horses should be made. Except unicorns are so stealthy they can't even be captured on a page. Hence why the Horse is there, and the unicorn is outlined with little stars. (We are awesome)

Basically, this is first "issue" as it were (the backstory to the issues to come, really) and it covers the story of a deep, resentful rivalry between, you guessed it, horses and unicorns. Or, one particular horse, and one particular unicorn, presumably fighting on behalf of all horses and unicorns. But you get the drift.

Anyway, Because it is his totally awesome birthday gift, and I wouldn't want to cheapen it by posting the entire thing online, you can take a look at the fancy cover (above) and maybe one day when I have my lapper at hand, I'll post another page. As a TEASER. But really, I'm probably never going to make another copy of this, and @SoupyToasterson will have a one of a kind comic book (which doubles as a COLOURING book and comes with crayons!) to call his own. Which involves gems such as a horse dressed up in spandex. And my very poor attempt to draw said spandex-clad horse.

Anyway, if you want to check out some party shenanigans, check out the soups and I on that tweetmadness, because I'm guessing that between us and the other party guests, we will be tweetin away about the ridiculous things that happen.

Songs for the Lovelorn

I should start by admitting my overwhelming bias in this matter – I am a bit in love with David Vertesi. Not so much in the “I want to have his babies” or “I sit outside his window and watch him sleep”  kind of way, but more in the “head-over-heels with his voice and heart and talent” kind of way.

I first met David in 2007 (I think) when his band Hey Ocean! performed a free show at a local bar. Since then, I’ve been to see him more than 20 times- ranging from his role as bassist for HeyO! and TopLess Gay Love Tekno Party, as well as two solo performances opening up for Hannah Georgas. Suffice to say, when Dave told me he was getting ready to record his album earlier this year, I was stoked. And as the months have passed, my anticipation (and, let’s be honest, desperation) to hear his first solo project has exploded. So, when he sent me a digital copy of the yet-to-be-released album a month ago, I lost my mind a bit.

Let’s just say that I’ve been amazed by this kid’s voice since I first heard him sing his as-yet-still-a-demo song “It Always Goes.” There is nothing like a sweet set of bass vox to make me go all wibbly.

What I’m getting at is that I’m far from unbiased. At the same time, I’m going to try to differentiate between Dave the Dude and Dave the Musician. Here I go.

Vertesi’s debut solo album takes a leap away from the party tunes of TopLess Gay Love and the carefree pop of Hey Ocean!; Focused on more emotional ground, Cardiography (2010) details (and I’m guessing on the timeline here) a year of Vertesi’s life- namely, falling in and out of love.

Navigating the listener through the eyes of a hopeful romantic to those of a lovelorn man, Cardiography is, in some ways, a typical debut album. Raw and passionate, Vertesi’s creation may lack the subject matter diversity of the average sophomore release, however he more than makes up for it with a raw honesty that confirms his dedication to his work.

Although not likely to resonate with everyone, Cardiography most certainly has an audience. Reflecting on love and heartbreak, he leaves the album with a surprisingly positive outlook – an “it’s better to have loved and lost, even though the loss feels like your heart’s been carved out with a dull, rusty spoon” feeling.  Lovelorn and hopeful, the album highlights Vertesi’s talent – as a writer, vocalist, and versatile musician - having performed all but the horns and strings himself.

All-in-all, Cardiography does exactly what any good debut release should- showcases the raw talent of an artist while providing a foundation upon which to grow and develop as a musician. Whether it’s your cup of tea or not, Cardiography is evidence that David Vertesi is a man to be watched; great things are surely to come.

Album: Cardiography
Artist: David Vertesi
Release Date: Not Soon Enough (TBA)
Overall Rating: Top 25 Most Played
Track Listing: (1) Mountainside; (2) Gentlemen Say; (3) All Night, All Night, All Night; (4) Learn to Run; (5) Cardiography; (6) Broadcasting; (7) Caroline! A Ghost!; (8) Rossland; (9) Soft Skin; (10) Hearts Don’t Break, People Do; (11) Epilogue
Personal Fave: Soft Skin
Top Lyrics: And if I am a ship lost at sea, then you are a beacon; burning a hole in the night, a path to safety.

Lovefool

Is love at first sight total bs? 

No. 

Okay, a bit. But here’s how I think it works:

I think that love at first sight is that connection- that instant when you look across a room or stumble through a doorway or sit down at a table at a bar, look up, and instantly feel like the person in your direct line of vision is going to have a defining role in your life. 

And I think it’s largely our own responses to those impulses that define the follow-through; if I think that the person across from me will have something beautiful to offer my life, if I feel a level of attraction or connection, I’m probably infinitely more likely to be open to the development of our relationship from a chance encounter to something more substantial. 

Sometimes people just kind of... walk haphazardly into your life, and sometimes those people redefine you, or at least let you redefine yourself. 

The first time I met Pumpkin we were both getting drunk off our asses at an event; within a month, and after only two hangouts, I’d decided he was my favourite, my #1. It wasn’t until 6 months later that our casual acquaintanceship developed into a solid friendship. 

When I met Goldilocks we had one night in which we said probably no more than 3 words to each other, and the next week bonded over our love of the Body Shop’s Hemp line, and within a week or two following that had become fast friends. 

And when I met 1002things, way back in the day, I saw this amazingly cool lady every week for months on end before we finally sat down, talked, and developed into incredibly close friends. 

Was there an instant connection with each of them? I’m guessing so- but I met all three in three very different circumstances. So, while Goldilocks and I hit it off instantly, Pumpkin and I took a little longer to finally take off on our fab friendship, and 1002things and I had a much slower courtship which has landed me with a relationship with one of the best people I know. 

Love at first sight? Maybe a hint at love. A connection. An instant in which we decide- is this a person I’m going to invest my love in right now? Or do I maybe need to wait? 

Never Give Up on the Good Times

What experience would you be willing to risk everything for?

I’ve been trying to think on this one, very seriously, to figure out what, if anything, I would risk everything for. I want it to be something grand- something worth losing everything I’ve got. 

Worth losing my friends.

Worth losing my family. 

Worth losing the friends that have become my family, the family that are my friends. 

What would I be willing to risk losing Myself over? 

Honestly, I’m not sure there’s anything. 

There are a whole lot of amazing things I’d love to experience- going into space, seeing the lowest point of altitude on earth, hell, seeing the highest. I’d love to fall head-over-heels in love with someone who loved me (head-over-heels) back. I’d love to get my PhD, become a published author, or sell and produce a line of tshirts. 

I’d love to do a lot of things; in fact, I have a whole list of them. I think right now I’m somewhere around 450. But would I give up the people I love to experience all those things? 

I don’t think I could. Because I wouldn’t trade in texts like:

“Although I like the adjective yeti-ish, I don’t think it applies to you”

“Hahaha, sorry, a hobo just called you from my phone”

“You’re welc-gooooooooo!”
or 

“Don’t go to bed with a frown in your pocket. Take it outside and strap it to a rocket”

for anything. 

And without those amazing people, what the hell are all the experiences worth?

Doing the Impossible

Life's Big Questions: March 8, 2009: What Would You Attempt To Do If You Knew You Would Not Fail?

If I’d answered this question a few weeks ago when I’d initially intended to do so, my response would have been substantially different.

Yes, I’ve been slacking on my posting, but, to be fair, the last few weeks have been a total shit show. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, made a huge mess of things, now I’m going to go out on a limb and take some much-needed chances.

Today is the Pumpkin’s birthday, which means that for the last 7 days I’ve been plotting a whole slough of little surprises and gifts and fun things, including what I guess was actually a surprise party at our weekly coffee/pub night last night.

To be fair, we intended to surprise the kid at midnight, but at 11:17 I looked over at Goldilocks and we decided that we were sleepy enough to ignore the time and just celebrate a few minutes early. So, after excusing ourselves under the rouse of needing to get my wallet from his car, we brought in a gorgeous (and deliciously diabetic) Cravelicious Crave Cake, lit a squiggly candle, and plopped it in front of the Pumpkin, with Happy Birthday belting out at the top of our lungs.

I then proceeded to hand him his obscene and hilarious birthday card (the HOMO Boner Donor Card), and mortify him with his Birthday Poem.

There were a whole lot of inside jokes, a whole lot of mocking that some people still won’t understand, some disgustingly gross sections, and then a few heart-warming passages explaining how much we love him.

We laughed, some of us may have teared up a bit, but at the end of the night it just turned into one massive Pumpkin Love Fest, which, looking at that, sounds kind of kinky.

What I’m trying to get at, though, is that the Pumpkin just seemed so happy- I know it was a combination of a few things, but I honestly don’t know if the evening could have gone any better. In the end, I think he felt truly loved by everyone there, and if it would be possible to replicate that feeling every day, I would.

I don’t mean necessarily for the Pumpkin specifically, but rather for everyone I hold dear to me.

What if every single day I could make someone I loved feel ridiculously appreciated? Make them smile and laugh and blush and just irrevocably happy?

If I could choose one thing that I could try to do and not fail? Making those I care about happy. Every single day. Or even just make them all happy for one day. One day of total, outright bliss and contentment with the world.

It’s a very selfish thing to want to do, because at the end of the day, the thing that makes me happiest is making other people happy. I’m honestly not sure who enjoyed last night more- the Pumpkin or myself. All I know is that when I went home afterwards, I could not stop smiling, and I went to sleep knowing that if today could be 1/10th as good as yesterday, it would still leave me entirely happy.

At the end of the day, what else really matters? There will always be war, some people will always go hungry. There will always be pain and suffering and, while I’d like to believe that we could somehow solve all our problems, I think we’d just develop a whole slough of new ones out of sheer boredom if we could. So if I could do one thing, and be guaranteed not to fail?

Make people happy. No question.

Ca-caw.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

March 13th, 2009: Life's Big Questions: What's One Tiny Change You Wanna Make Today?

Worry less? Care a little more?

When it comes down to it I'd just like to work on taking charge of my own happiness.

I tend to place my happiness in the hands of others a lot of the time, one of the best examples of which is a text I sent out this morning, asking for a friend to send me something silly, something stupid, something that would distract me from my stresses. Yes, I've figured out certain things that are the key to making myself happy, but a lot of the time it's easier to just wait for someone else to make me happy, so that I can wallow in my own self pity.

And, yes, my friends are amazing at delivering. There is nothing quite like getting text messages about massive crowds of Mormons hanging out at Arby's to make my day, and they darn well know it.

But at the same time, I'm pretty stressed out right now, and I'd really love to wake up tomorrow and start taking charge of my own joy.

I guess I'm still trying to impress those that hold my happiness.

Girl Talk

March 12, 2009: Life's Big Questions: Why Do We Spend So Much Time Talking About Other People?

My first impulse is to start this off with a rousing- Because it is So. Much. Fun. It's tempting to do. Because, hey, who doesn't love a little gossip in their lives? A little drama added to the day? I mean, there is a crazy popular TV show that I have been known to watch which isspecifically about an online gossip column about High School/ University students.

I have been known to pick up gossip mags when I go through the cashier at my local Big Box, and I am more than happy to check celebrity websites daily. You will find no shame here. But, being a little more serious, I think what it comes down to is that talking about others is easier than talking about ourselves.

As a sidenote, I want to distinguish between two key forms of talking about other people- concern v. gossip. I'm not a gossip fan, at least when it comes to my friends. Celebrities are fair game- it's part of what they're getting paid a ridiculous amount of money for. But when it comes to my friends, if I'm talking about them, or about things they've disclosed to me, there is only one situation that's okay in my books- concern.

(To those who have confided in me: For the most part those are things I'll talk to my mum about. She doesn't know the vast majority of my friends, so even if I tell her things, she'll definitely forget the names, and will most likely forget the details, but she can still be a solid outlet for me to reflect and sort out my thoughts.)

As for gossip, though, when it happens, I honestly I think it's because it's a great way of deflecting attention from ourselves. Rather than having open dialogue about our own issues and problems, we're able to focus on other people, and successfully avoid looking within ourselves and admitting to our flaws, to our quirks, to those choices we've made that we're not so proud of.

Of course I end up talking to friends about other friends- if we're concerned about some life choices (I'm looking at you, R), it's bound to come up in conversation. I'm a worrier, so at times I need to reflect with others to make sure that my worries aren't entirely unfounded, or to put them in perspective. But there is a distinct difference (I hope) between that kind of talking about other people and talking about them in a cruel and judgemental fashion.

So, why do we gossip? Because it's easier. Why do I talk? Because I am a very concerned individual who often likes to work on helping solve other people's problems before dealing with my own.

Which, I guess, is still easier.