1000 Words On Why I Give A Fuck

I’ve been trying to figure out how to say what I’m about to say, how to channel all of my anger and frustration and rage and turn it into something concrete, something sensible, something that sums up my feelings on the issue while presenting a concise, mature argument. Something that, in short, says what I need to say.

Here I go.

Targeting Your Audience

So, Summertime is when I get all jacked up on projects. I say "summer" even though it's "spring" because in Alberta we really only have two seasons. That and I want Summer to last as long as possible.

Anyway, with summer comes projects. Reading projects. Crafty projects. And, typically, cooking projects.

Last summer I baked both cakes and pies from scratch. And let me stop you right there. Yes, I know, baking a cake from scratch isn't a big deal. But I mean, I took home ec for three years and we didn't venture anywhere close to cakes, so I've been operating largely on boxed mixes. Also, the whole Cake From Scratch project involved making lemon curd and whipping my own icing. That was fun. (Looking back on this, I'm still not sure if the fun comment is meant to be sarcastic or not, but let's just say that whipping things without an electric beater is a bit intense.)

This summer, however, I don't really have any strictly defined cooking goals, though I do have some things I'd really like to try out. So far, I have:

1. Tiramisu. I've never been the hugest fan, but Chelsea Dee loves it, and I figure it'll be a good skill to have. Plus, I can apparently sub in whiskey instead of rum, and that just sounds tasty.

2. Jam. I want to make some jam. Jam is delicious, and, come July/August, the farmers market will be literally stocked with berries that are looking for a good home.

3. Bread. Sure, I've used a bread machine, but I've never done it by hand, from scratch. Buns? Of course! Banana bread? Yup! A nice loaf of sandwich bread? Not quite! But soon.

4. Poached Eggs. Okay, I love eggs benny, but I am fully aware that some people have the finesse to poach a frakking egg, and some don't. And, at this point, I don't. Oh god, the soupy, stringy, cloudy messes I have made. Soon, my pretties. Soon.

5. Cornbread and Chili. Again, things I should really have in my repetoire, but that I've never made myself. But! Southern Night is coming up, and a combination of Gone with the Wind, Fried Green Tomatoes, and some fresh cornbread and chili might just be on the menu.

Anyway, this whole post came about because, in my quest for recipes and projects and, well, because StumbleUpon knows me so gosh darn well, I came across a recipe for Garlic Knots, which is basically the internet saying, y'know pretzels, which are awesome? And Garlic, which is the best thing ever? Let's COMBINE THOSE and make life worth living again. Way to target your audience, FoodMayhem.com. "For Superior Garlic Breath"? There are perhaps no four finer words in the english language.

But, of course, because I am Me, and because I can't just take anything for what it is, I always have to do something a little different. So, I kicked up the garlic a tich, and now, a day later, I smell like, you guessed it, garlic. Garlic and garlic alone.

It is seeping out of my pores.

And it's goooooooood.

He Ain't Talkin Bout No Waltz

Whatup internet! I am apparently REALLY BAD at this blogging thing.

School happened, and then moving happened, and then Family Stuff happened, and then May happened, and it's been over three months since I posted, so I'm Hella Behind on my one major goal for this year. Let us see if I can RECTIFY the situation.

Damn I love that phrase.

Anyway, I'm not going to start off with a SP post, mostly because I don't have my list of ones I haven't done with me, and my first solid post back should *probably* involve some sort of coherent thought. So, instead, let's break down some really horrible song lyrics by Justin "The Biebs" "Cyndy" "I Look Like A Lesbian" Bieber.


First Dance:
Usher: It's your chance take her hand to the floor
(fellas just the moment you've been waiting for) (Sexy times?)
Girl if you see something you like then let 'em know
(ladies i know you're ready) (No means Keep Harassing Me Until I Say Yes? Errr....)
Cuz you only got one chance
(yeah yeah)
For your first dance (Virginity is important)
(you never forget bout your first dance)
So take advantage of the slow jam
(tell 'em J.B.)yeah, man

Justin: when I close my eyes,
I see me and you at the prom
We've both been waiting so long (You've been pubescent for like... 3 years kid.)
For this day to come
Now that its here
Let's make it special (Yup, Cause there's nothing cliche about losing it at the prom)

(I can't deny)
There's so many thoughts in my mind
The D.J.'s playing my favorite song
Ain't no chaperones (Kinky)
This could be the night of your dreams

CHORUS:
Only if you give, give the first dance to me
Girl I promise I'll be gentle
I know we gotta do it slowly
If you give, give the first dance to me
I'm gonna' cherish every moment
'Cuz it only happens once, once in a lifetime (I'm pretty sure you'll have more than one First Dance. That is, if you're talking about actual dancing.) 


(But Then, He Ain't Talkin Bout No Waltz)

I couldn't ask for more
We're rocking back and forth (Uhhhhhh)
Under the disco ball
We're the only ones on the floor

(I can't deny)
There's so many thought in my mind
The D.J.'s playing my favorite song (favorite song)
Now we're all alone (all alone)
Here's the opportunity

(Chorus)

Everybody says that we look cute together
Let's make this a night the two of us remember
No teachers around to see us dancing close
I'm telling you our parents will never know (Trust me, they totally will.)
Before the lights go up
And the music turns off
Now's the perfect time for me to taste your lip gloss (This is sounding less and less like dancing...)
your glass slippers in my hand right here (Have you seen the floor after a dance? I wouldn't take off my shoes)
We'll make it before the clock strikes nine (Wait... prom? Ends at nine? Is that what he's saying? How old are these kids supposed to be?)

Chorus

Usher: it's your chance take her hand to the floor (to the floor)
girl, if you see something you like then let 'em know
cuz you only got one chance, for your first dance
so take advantage of this slow down
yeah man.

If you give, give the first dance to me
I'm gonna' cherish every moment
Cuz it only happens once, once in a lifetime

Death to Snuggie

If you could get rid of one invention, what would it be?

I would get rid of the snuggie. 

I know this will make me unpopular with a few people I know, but it just seems like the most ridiculous invention on the planet- along with the Doggie Snuggie. 

I’m sorry- it’s a sweater!? It’s a blanket!? Why not wear a sweater, and snuggle under a blanket? I have a dozen of each! I don’t need to buy something else. 

Not to mention, I really cannot stand the available colours and patterns. And I already get caught up enough in blankets and end up tripping when getting off the couch- now I need one that’s attached to me? 

I know, of all the inventions that anyone has ever invented, it seems a bit strange to pick the Snuggie as my invention of destruction- but seriously. I just don’t get it. 

Lovefool

Is love at first sight total bs? 

No. 

Okay, a bit. But here’s how I think it works:

I think that love at first sight is that connection- that instant when you look across a room or stumble through a doorway or sit down at a table at a bar, look up, and instantly feel like the person in your direct line of vision is going to have a defining role in your life. 

And I think it’s largely our own responses to those impulses that define the follow-through; if I think that the person across from me will have something beautiful to offer my life, if I feel a level of attraction or connection, I’m probably infinitely more likely to be open to the development of our relationship from a chance encounter to something more substantial. 

Sometimes people just kind of... walk haphazardly into your life, and sometimes those people redefine you, or at least let you redefine yourself. 

The first time I met Pumpkin we were both getting drunk off our asses at an event; within a month, and after only two hangouts, I’d decided he was my favourite, my #1. It wasn’t until 6 months later that our casual acquaintanceship developed into a solid friendship. 

When I met Goldilocks we had one night in which we said probably no more than 3 words to each other, and the next week bonded over our love of the Body Shop’s Hemp line, and within a week or two following that had become fast friends. 

And when I met 1002things, way back in the day, I saw this amazingly cool lady every week for months on end before we finally sat down, talked, and developed into incredibly close friends. 

Was there an instant connection with each of them? I’m guessing so- but I met all three in three very different circumstances. So, while Goldilocks and I hit it off instantly, Pumpkin and I took a little longer to finally take off on our fab friendship, and 1002things and I had a much slower courtship which has landed me with a relationship with one of the best people I know. 

Love at first sight? Maybe a hint at love. A connection. An instant in which we decide- is this a person I’m going to invest my love in right now? Or do I maybe need to wait? 

Never Give Up on the Good Times

What experience would you be willing to risk everything for?

I’ve been trying to think on this one, very seriously, to figure out what, if anything, I would risk everything for. I want it to be something grand- something worth losing everything I’ve got. 

Worth losing my friends.

Worth losing my family. 

Worth losing the friends that have become my family, the family that are my friends. 

What would I be willing to risk losing Myself over? 

Honestly, I’m not sure there’s anything. 

There are a whole lot of amazing things I’d love to experience- going into space, seeing the lowest point of altitude on earth, hell, seeing the highest. I’d love to fall head-over-heels in love with someone who loved me (head-over-heels) back. I’d love to get my PhD, become a published author, or sell and produce a line of tshirts. 

I’d love to do a lot of things; in fact, I have a whole list of them. I think right now I’m somewhere around 450. But would I give up the people I love to experience all those things? 

I don’t think I could. Because I wouldn’t trade in texts like:

“Although I like the adjective yeti-ish, I don’t think it applies to you”

“Hahaha, sorry, a hobo just called you from my phone”

“You’re welc-gooooooooo!”
or 

“Don’t go to bed with a frown in your pocket. Take it outside and strap it to a rocket”

for anything. 

And without those amazing people, what the hell are all the experiences worth?

Lean on Me

Do we only need God when life smacks us in the face?

I’m tempted to say yes. I want to hope it’s a no, though. 

As someone who isn’t very faith-filled, I don’t have a lot of first-hand experience in this department, but I think it’s safe to say that when shit hits the fan we all turn to our systems of support. 

Two weeks ago my grandma passed away, and my very first impulse was to call Pumpkin, to check in and just hear his voice, to have some sort of steadying force. I turned to the person I not only wanted in my life at that moment, but a person I suddenly realized I needed. And I don’t think it’s out of line to say that people of religion, people of spiritual faith, have that same impulse- to turn to someone or something that they feel they can rely on. 

At the same time, Pumpkin is also at the top of the list for calls when things go amazingly well, when I get great news or something beautiful happens in the world. I’d like to think that people turn to their God in those moments as well. 

But I guess my question now is- does that still count as a smack in the face? I mean, yeah, usually we’d assume that getting smacked is a bad thing, but maybe sometimes we need to be slapped with something amazing to wake up and get out of our own heads. Maybe the key is wondering if we turn to God in those mediocre moments, in those times when things aren’t particularly awesome or negative, but are just... mundane. 

I mean, okay, I tend to text Pumpkin about pretty much everything, because for some reason things like “man, I just sneezed like 8 times and every time i let out a tiny little ‘achoo’” are the kinds of things I feel I need to share with him. But I guess I just don’t know if God comes into play during those moments as well? 

Thoughts?