Expiration Dates Are Just Loose Guidelines

Life's Big Questions: March 8, 2009: Is Religion Outdated?

Okay, so we’ve covered my feelings on Talking About God With Strangers, but at the end of the day, God is kind of a huge concept, so there are at least a few dozen more posts I can write about the various facets about god. Today? His house.

The question of religion being outdated is a pretty heavy topic- it’s one of those things that people get fanatically passionate about, and it can tear apart some fairly solid relationships, or at least make them incredibly uncomfortable for a few days. But, at the end of the day, here’s how I see it- Faith and Spirituality aren’t outdated, but Religious Institutions, by their very nature, usually are.

I say usually because even a severely secular person such as myself has found multiple churches at which I feel entirely comfortable, welcome, and loved. There’s a minister (Melvin) that was based out of an outreach church in the far outreaches of Edmonton who has since moved to Toronto to begin his own outreach centre. His philosophy, loosely quoted: “If you’re not comfortable sitting next to someone who doesn’t believe in God and might never? This may not be the place for you.”

I quote this man often, because he symbolizes the part of faith that I love. The open, non-judgmental side that just wants to spread a little love around. That’s the kind of faith that I think any of our religious icons would condone.

At the same time, there are the people who, for lack of a better term, I see as total nutballs. To call them out, evangelicals. They scare the shit out of me, much like any fanatic does. Get enough blind faith and you give a religious institution and its leaders way too much power.

The religion that scares me is one of hatred, of bigotry, and of discrimination. It’s in the Pro Life and Prop 8 and, really, Pro Hate side of things. It’s the part that takes what it wants from religious texts and says, hey, it’s written here, so it must be true! And we must follow it to the letter! Because there is no possible way that changing social climates or changes in what are considered Universal Human Rights could have any bearing on this matter, because this text? It is the word of God.

So, in that way, any kind of hate based on sex, gender, sexuality, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, culture, birth place, political stance or, yes, religion, just seems outdated to me. I understand that, to an extent, there will always be people who hate other people simply because of the way they look or live their lives. I tend to discriminate against stupid people- its part of being an academic. But I’m not about to try to pass legislation limiting their rights to love each other.

Yes, here I am on my soapbox, getting incredibly pissed off about the Gay Marriage Issue for the second time in under 24 hours.

But to remove it from issues- religious institutions are notoriously traditional. I mean, that’s their whole business, right? Reinforcing one set of behaviours and beliefs that have been around for however long. So, yes, religious institutions are outdated. But faith? Believing in something bigger, something beyond, in the possibility of something better? Isn’t that what every day is spent hoping for- that today will be better than yesterday, but less so than tomorrow?

Aren’t we all just hoping to live in a slightly better place than we did yesterday? Is hope outdated? Are we that cynical?

Oh, My God?

March 8th, 2009: Life's Big Questions: Why Is Talking About God So Dang Awkward?

A few weeks ago I had a lovely couple in my store, a little quiet, who, upon paying for their items, handed me a business card sized slip of paper offering me a free bible, a supposedly hip version of the new testament which would surely win me over to the side of God.

All I could wonder was- Do I really look that godless?

The thing is, I have no problem talking about God in my personal relationships, mostly because I like to push the boundaries of what people consider 'normal' and 'appropriate' topics of conversation, and partially because I can't help but think that if you can't talk about the really important things with the people who you're supposedly close to, then how close are you, really? But when someone that I hardly know, or someone whom I have never met brings up God, the conversation is sure to take an awkward turn.

On a very personal level, I find it offensive. In a lot of ways, I percieve a deep judgement in the act. Obviously I must be unholy, unfit, unclean. I must be saved, brought back to a path of righteousness, I must be shown the One True Way, because, at the end of the day, I'm not smart enough to figure it out on my own.

I understand that in a few religious sects there is a Mission to Save, there is a duty to talk to people about faith, to share your God. I get it, but I don't respect it.

I believe in God. Or, at least, in some conception of A God, or Many Gods, or simply something bigger and more powerful than our individual human lives. Call it Evolution or Karma or simply Connection, call it by a name, or by many. However you choose to identify your God(s), though, I think we're all approaching something that can't really be communicated.

God, or whatever part of it we do or don't believe in, is a deeply personal relationship. No one can tell you how that connection feels, no one can fully understand your relationship with it. It is something that is deeply and entirely our own, and so I think when we try to vocalize or dictate our perception of God it comes off as something Finite, as something True, not because it is true for everyone, but because it is True for Us, as individuals. God is a truth that we can only know on an individual level, and when it comes down to it, it transcends language.

So, when strangers bring up The God Question, I can't really connect with them. They can let me know what they think their God is saying, what they feel the message is. But when it comes down to it, if it doesn't feel authentic to me, then it fails to be real to me.

It's awkward because, at the end of the day, we all conceptualize of God individually, independent of other people. We may go to the same place of worship, or believe in the same lack of worship, but as different people with different personalities and perspectives, we interact with God on fundamentally different levels. My version of God isn't the same as yours, and so your version seems entirely foreign to me. And being told that your version is somehow superior to mine, that God's interaction with you is more Correct than it's interaction with me, just seems to be a demeaning, condescending way of saying- I'm right, you're wrong; I'm big, you're little; I'm smart, you're dumb, and there'snothing you can do about it.

I Should Have Been More Specific

Big Questions: March 15, 2009: Do We Get What We Pray For?

There is this fabulous section of one of Margaret Cho’s stand-up routines in which she talks about how, growing up, she always wished to be surrounded by gorgeous men. Turns out, all the gorgeous men in her life are gay.

We have something in common.

I’ve never been super-comfortable with the idea of prayer. For the most part, at least how I’ve seen it realized in my own life and in some select few people around me, it tends to go towards the selfish side of things. Like having Santa on speed-dial, you can just call up Jesus (or whomever you believe in) whenever you feel like it and say, hey, it’d be cool if you could give me this.

Now, I know a lot of people, if they pray, and if that prayer asks for something, it’s going to land on the side of strength and hope and please help. In a lot of ways it seems like an act of desperation- of just needing someone to be there when it feels like you’re entirely alone, with no one to lean on. I get it. I tend to call out to friends in those times, or just sit in my own depressing silence and try to deal solo.

Maybe I’ve been spending too much time with Red recently, but I can’t help but think that, at some point, we need to learn to stand on our own two feet. I know that he’s a fairly closed-off person when it comes to emotions, or he at least tries to be, but at the end of the day, there’s an extent to which he’s right.

I’ve been relying on a few key people recently, and there aren’t words to describe how thankful I am that I have them in my life. But at the same time, now that things are starting to turn around, I know that I’m going to stop being so emotionally overwhelmed, and as a result won’t be sharing as much with them. At some point, I think you have to let go of that safety net and just act on your own. This is probably a big reason of why so much of religion doesn’t work for me- because I’m honestly not comfortable giving up control.

I don’t know if we get what we pray for. I don’t tend to subscribe to ideas like The Secret, or any of the new age philosophies that suggest that just putting an idea out into the universe will bring it to you. I’m much more into concrete actions- if I desire End C, then I just need to do A and B and I’ll be there. Easy. Done.

Maybe prayer is just the step we sometimes need to get us going so that we actually work for what we want, and work towards our own happiness. Does prayer directly lead to getting what you’re praying for? Not at all. Does it help you to vocalize and then put into practice what it might take for you to go out and get it yourself? Maybe.