Monday, May 24, 2010

Targeting Your Audience

So, Summertime is when I get all jacked up on projects. I say "summer" even though it's "spring" because in Alberta we really only have two seasons. That and I want Summer to last as long as possible.

Anyway, with summer comes projects. Reading projects. Crafty projects. And, typically, cooking projects.

Last summer I baked both cakes and pies from scratch. And let me stop you right there. Yes, I know, baking a cake from scratch isn't a big deal. But I mean, I took home ec for three years and we didn't venture anywhere close to cakes, so I've been operating largely on boxed mixes. Also, the whole Cake From Scratch project involved making lemon curd and whipping my own icing. That was fun. (Looking back on this, I'm still not sure if the fun comment is meant to be sarcastic or not, but let's just say that whipping things without an electric beater is a bit intense.)

This summer, however, I don't really have any strictly defined cooking goals, though I do have some things I'd really like to try out. So far, I have:

1. Tiramisu. I've never been the hugest fan, but Chelsea Dee loves it, and I figure it'll be a good skill to have. Plus, I can apparently sub in whiskey instead of rum, and that just sounds tasty.

2. Jam. I want to make some jam. Jam is delicious, and, come July/August, the farmers market will be literally stocked with berries that are looking for a good home.

3. Bread. Sure, I've used a bread machine, but I've never done it by hand, from scratch. Buns? Of course! Banana bread? Yup! A nice loaf of sandwich bread? Not quite! But soon.

4. Poached Eggs. Okay, I love eggs benny, but I am fully aware that some people have the finesse to poach a frakking egg, and some don't. And, at this point, I don't. Oh god, the soupy, stringy, cloudy messes I have made. Soon, my pretties. Soon.

5. Cornbread and Chili. Again, things I should really have in my repetoire, but that I've never made myself. But! Southern Night is coming up, and a combination of Gone with the Wind, Fried Green Tomatoes, and some fresh cornbread and chili might just be on the menu.

Anyway, this whole post came about because, in my quest for recipes and projects and, well, because StumbleUpon knows me so gosh darn well, I came across a recipe for Garlic Knots, which is basically the internet saying, y'know pretzels, which are awesome? And Garlic, which is the best thing ever? Let's COMBINE THOSE and make life worth living again. Way to target your audience, "For Superior Garlic Breath"? There are perhaps no four finer words in the english language.

But, of course, because I am Me, and because I can't just take anything for what it is, I always have to do something a little different. So, I kicked up the garlic a tich, and now, a day later, I smell like, you guessed it, garlic. Garlic and garlic alone.

It is seeping out of my pores.

And it's goooooooood.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

He Ain't Talkin Bout No Waltz

Whatup internet! I am apparently REALLY BAD at this blogging thing.

School happened, and then moving happened, and then Family Stuff happened, and then May happened, and it's been over three months since I posted, so I'm Hella Behind on my one major goal for this year. Let us see if I can RECTIFY the situation.

Damn I love that phrase.

Anyway, I'm not going to start off with a SP post, mostly because I don't have my list of ones I haven't done with me, and my first solid post back should *probably* involve some sort of coherent thought. So, instead, let's break down some really horrible song lyrics by Justin "The Biebs" "Cyndy" "I Look Like A Lesbian" Bieber.

First Dance:
Usher: It's your chance take her hand to the floor
(fellas just the moment you've been waiting for) (Sexy times?)
Girl if you see something you like then let 'em know
(ladies i know you're ready) (No means Keep Harassing Me Until I Say Yes? Errr....)
Cuz you only got one chance
(yeah yeah)
For your first dance (Virginity is important)
(you never forget bout your first dance)
So take advantage of the slow jam
(tell 'em J.B.)yeah, man

Justin: when I close my eyes,
I see me and you at the prom
We've both been waiting so long (You've been pubescent for like... 3 years kid.)
For this day to come
Now that its here
Let's make it special (Yup, Cause there's nothing cliche about losing it at the prom)

(I can't deny)
There's so many thoughts in my mind
The D.J.'s playing my favorite song
Ain't no chaperones (Kinky)
This could be the night of your dreams

Only if you give, give the first dance to me
Girl I promise I'll be gentle
I know we gotta do it slowly
If you give, give the first dance to me
I'm gonna' cherish every moment
'Cuz it only happens once, once in a lifetime
(I'm pretty sure you'll have more than one First Dance. That is, if you're talking about actual dancing.) 

(But Then, He Ain't Talkin Bout No Waltz)

I couldn't ask for more
We're rocking back and forth (Uhhhhhh)
Under the disco ball
We're the only ones on the floor

(I can't deny)
There's so many thought in my mind
The D.J.'s playing my favorite song (favorite song)
Now we're all alone (all alone)
Here's the opportunity


Everybody says that we look cute together
Let's make this a night the two of us remember
No teachers around to see us dancing close
I'm telling you our parents will never know (Trust me, they totally will.)
Before the lights go up
And the music turns off
Now's the perfect time for me to taste your lip gloss (This is sounding less and less like dancing...)
your glass slippers in my hand right here (Have you seen the floor after a dance? I wouldn't take off my shoes)
We'll make it before the clock strikes nine (Wait... prom? Ends at nine? Is that what he's saying? How old are these kids supposed to be?)


Usher: it's your chance take her hand to the floor (to the floor)
girl, if you see something you like then let 'em know
cuz you only got one chance, for your first dance
so take advantage of this slow down
yeah man.

If you give, give the first dance to me
I'm gonna' cherish every moment
Cuz it only happens once, once in a lifetime